Cinematography by Bobby James at Aichon (@Aichonmedia)

Kalvin and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. Here are 10 of the biggest lessons we learned in 365 days.

I (Carmen) learned…

The honeymoon stage ends
It’s true. Our honeymoon stage came to an end. What nobody tells you is that it is replaced with a genuine friendship. Kalvin turned from the biggest butterfly in my stomach to my best friend. Maybe we’re no longer attached at the hip but I find myself not wanting to do fun stuff without him— and if I do, all I think about is how much he’d also enjoy it.
Watching your “shows” without your spouse is cheating
It just is. Nobody tells you that a big percentage of marriage is sitting on the couch, indulging in your favorite tv shows and holding conversation through the entire show.
The person you married won’t be the person you go to bed with every night.
I look back at photos and videos of Kalvin and I from a few years ago and we are completely different people. We don’t look the same as then, act the same, or hold the same ideals. I am not the woman Kalvin married and he’s not the one I married but that’s not at all a bad thing. Change is inevitable and I’ve learned to stop marinating on who we were and enjoy the life we created together for our new selves.
Marriage counseling should actually be mandatory for everyone
I thought counseling was when a pastor tells you how often to have sex with your husband so he won’t cheat on you. We got counseling from my parents who kept it 100 with us. Our counseling covered everything from how our kids may try to break us apart to recognizing unintentional infidelity. We use what we learned every single day.
You can’t fix your spouse’s brokenness
This was the hardest pill for me to swallow. There are seasons when your spouse will go through depression and there’s nothing in the physical world you can do about it. There’s nothing you can say to them, no meals you can make for them, and no vacations you can take to mend their broken heart. What you can do is pray for them, bind evil spirits in your home, and give them time to heal.

I (Kalvin) learned…

Sex is the most important part about marriage and married sex is different
I know that's debatable but hear me out. Sex is the one thing in life that you don’t share with anyone except your spouse. You’re not posting videos or Tweeting about it (hopefully.) It’s 100% between the two of you and that’s special.
Now on to how it’s different. When you’re single, sex is exciting and forbidden and we all want what we’re told we can’t have. When you’re married, you’re supposed to have sex. That type of “forbidden excitement” fades but the shame of doing what you shouldn't be doesn’t just ware off after you say “I do.” But you do get over it quickly, ya feel me!?
Being married doesn’t mean you have to have life figured out
I thought I should have marriage/finances/life figured out before getting married. I learned that not only do I not need to have all the answers but that I will never have all the answers. All I can do is try my hardest, keep growing in the Lord, and learn from past mistakes.
Buy two of everything
Your spouse is going to want whatever you’re eating, just because you have it and they don't. Or as Carmen says, “I just want to taste it!” If you don’t feel like sharing, get them their own before they ask for some. Men, you’re welcome.
If she says it doesn’t matter, it does
In marriage, everything matters in some way. As men, we brush things off because we don’t want to argue about it but to a woman, it’s not arguing, it’s a dialogue— like blowing out a candle before it burns your house down. Talking about hard things is a sign that you care to them (I don’t get it but that’s what I was told.)
Emotionally disengaging is not always bad
Sometimes your spouse is in a bad mood and you don’t want to emotionally relate to them in that moment. You can refuse to participate in the disfunction. You don’t have to say something hurtful to them because they hurt your feelings. Consider the circumstances; they could be hungry, have a headache, or just not want to be bothered. There’s no point in growing an anthill into a mountain over something stupid.